I won’t lie, it’s a new thing for me to talk about my body and what I think of it. So, when the proposal came I actually thought it was one of those campaigns where you dress in underwear (classic white Calvin Klein or Jockey) and pretty much literally showcase your body.
Obviously, this wasn’t that but it got me thinking either way. How comfortable am I with my exposed body? How comfortable am I to be seen and reveal myself in that such a manner?
Growing up, I have never been fat or skinny and more than anything I would say I have always been on the athletic side of life. But of course, I love food, always have and always will and December holidays have always served as my “biggest” period. But I am fortunate. I lose weight almost as easily as I gain it. The same effort I would have put into eating over Christmas is just the same effort I will put in January when I don’t feel too comfortable in what have now become my tight, really tight-fitting jeans or chinos and mind you not in the nice way.
I will say though, right now I am the happiest I have ever been with my body. About a year ago I started running a lot. Lost a lot of fat weight I didn’t want and began the process of rebuilding muscle on top of that.
Look. My story isn’t one of a guy who woke up one day and decided this was something I wanted to do for myself. I have never been deeply self-conscious about my body or whether I am sufficiently attractive. I did it because I wanted to please someone I cared about deeply and from that stand point would do anything to achieve a state in which I could be wanted in their eyes. But that’s what it’s all part about isn’t it? To be wanted. We all want to be wanted. We all want to know that when we walk into a room we can turn heads or in my case I just wanted to turn one.
In a discussion with a friend I conceded and came to the realization that I actually don’t have a “perfect” body image in mind of a girl I’d be completely attracted to (or maybe that’s a lie because I actually do have preferences) but instead realized that I esteem what people think about themselves more than what they look like. Confidence is attractive! What a person believes for them self to be good in their eyes is attractive. This is not to say that you shouldn’t work on your body but you also shouldn’t have to work on your body. It’s not a must. You don’t owe anyone anything except yourself and to be the best you that you think you can absolutely be. We are all beautiful in our own rights and trust me, you turn heads even if not always the ones you would like to turn.
I look at my body now and think good looking out Hilary. I’m in gym six times a week and I have no one to do it for but just handsome ol’ me. Good in my own eyes. Getting better in my own eyes. Pursing and working towards the best in my own eyes. And the hopeless romantic in me still wants to turn just one head and not any more before me. And she will be called wife. Shout out.