The stick figure that’s got a booty!
I have always been tiny! Short and skinny, not always the greatest combo.
So my story starts in about grade 5 when my boobs decided that being in proportion with the rest of my body was just not happening. So I went from being just a stick figure to a stick figure with coconuts on her chest. This was a huge culture shock for me because I went from being “one of the guys” to the girl that all the guys were hitting on. I was upset because now I was starting to lose friends because they didn’t want to just be friends with me anymore. This was when my rigorous sport involvement began. Somehow it made sense in my head that if I look a little more like the guys or even out play or out run them I could go back to having my friends. This continued for about 2 years and in grade 7 my gran started getting worried that I was starting to be too much of a boy! She would always buy me dresses and skirts, which I absolutely hated because well, “how can anyone take over the world in a skirt?!”
In Grade 8 I then moved to an all-Girls school which was yet again another culture shock.
I was no longer allowed to wear pants at school and need to re-evaluate my entire existence. I was always being asked and told: “how are you so strong”, “you look like a boy”, “you’re too rough”, “why don’t you grow your hair”, etc.
It didn’t help that I am not the most social person either, I mean who wants to be friends with the boy looking car fanatic with glasses and braces? I started my journey to wearing skirts and dresses to try and look more like a girl. This got me all the attention with the boys and somehow built up my confidence and I became more of a people’s person.
The years went by and I still didn’t grow much. The only thing that I sort of grew into was my boobs. They started to look more and more in proportion to my body. This upset me because my shortness highlighted my new found “manlyness’. I too wanted long legs that I could show off in shorts so I started putting less effort into my sport so that I didn’t ‘look like a man’. Towards the end of my high school career, I decided that I need to pick up weight and at least get to 50kg’s so that I was“normal”.
Varsity came and the emphasis on my height continued! Think of a short joke, I’ve probably heard it. The best was when people ask where I got my clothing from and when I said the kiddies section the ridicule continued.
Now 7 years later I have finally reached my 50 kg mission but all it has done is flip the switch! From being a stick figure, now I’m the teletubby. All I ever hear about is how much weight I’ve picked up.
About 3 months ago, I made the conscious decision to get back to 45 kg because I no longer felt comfortable in my own skin.
It took more than 10 years for me to realise that I was actually happy with the way my body actually was. I feel so much lighter, and I mean this emotionally and psychologically, than I have in a while